Lyrics really hit me tonight... a few of them.

One hit really hard. "You see the depths of my heart and You Love me the SAME."

Why? I am told by many that I am not a bad person, but in reality, I am the worst. I am a sinner. I suck. I see a simple little glimpse of my black heart and I hate myself. Yet He still loves me the same. I get to this point where I feel like everything around me is about to fall apart, and usually, I let it. I see that in the very near future. My attitude has already started to sink. Those who know me well may see it, though they probably think its me having a bad day... there's a lot more to it. This seems to always happen when my heart isn't in the right place.. when I am living selfishly. Sometimes, like lately, I think I'm doing well, asking for God to put what I WANT in HIS WILL....... when it should be for me to want what HE WANTS according to His will. And then there are times (not always at different times even) when I think there is no one to turn to about whatever.. that I have worn out the friends I have and that I am a bother. I forget that He is ALWAYS there. He will NEVER be worn out, and I am NOT a bother. He loves me no matter what. Crazy.

We were talking in small group about similar things and I was reminded by an 8th grader where my focus needs to be. Not on me. Not on my desires. Only on Christ. I don't think I have ever been so encouraged by a jr higher ever. And I'm HER leader??? Maybe she should be mine!

It's time to get my heart back in the right direction and stop sucking at life so much. This week is going to be full of cleaning... my car, my room, my attitude, and most of all, my HEART.

I'll leave you with some other lyrics I heard tonight that stood out to me as well.


"When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free,
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me."


"When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again"