It is so bizarre to me that one week ago today I was going crazy getting everything ready to fly to Ohio. Now I'm home and it is as if I never went. I certainly was not grateful enough for my time there. It was as if no time had passed. I love that. But for some reason I expected it to be different. I expected so much. I should have been grateful for every moment, the exciting ones and the calm ones. I wasn't. Now I wish I could rewind. Start over. Enjoy every moment. I hate when my perspective changes too late to change my attitude. Who knows when I'll go back? I missed my chance. I'm so disappointed in myself. I need to learn to not complain, to sit back, and to enjoy every aspect of life.

I am so incredibly amazed by the group of kids we have this year at kickback! They are such a blessing! No trouble makers. Everyone gets along. These kids have such great hearts! We have one student who has downs but is highly functioning, well behaved, and friendly with everyone and our kids are so great with him! They are patient & inclusive, but not forceful. Yesterday, we played kajabe can can..... The boys were gentle and got him out first so he wouldn't get hurt.... He was sad to be out, but I was so proud that our boys were gentle. They encouraged him as he walked away and went over to check on him after. What other group have we had that would do that? This is such a good group! I love these kids! Jeremy is doing a great job with them! Proud of the man he has become.

Never expected this much emotion. I know she's grown up, but it just hit me how much I have missed. And how much I'm missing of Bean's life. Only God knows when I'll see him again. I can't even text or Facebook him anymore. What have I missed in the year I haven't been able to talk to him. I won't even know him anymore. I can't breathe. I can't handle this. I just want to run. Can't even sit in Jr high. I hear them worshipping and it touches my heart, but I know once the tears welling up release, I'll have no control. No means of stopping them. God, I want to be with my family.

Thinking Today as I Clean.......

Physically, I was so much better off in Alhambra. I kept a clean room almost always, and cleaned before every weekend if I hadn't kept it up that week because the kids were always in my room, especially on the weekends, and I loved it that way. I rode my bike or walked everywhere possible. Once I got my car, I still walked or biked to work/church a couple times a week. I swam regularly at my gym, even biking over on my lunch brake at times to let off steam from the office. I played softball every Saturday the last 6 months I was there, despite a bum ankle that I probably damaged more by playing than if I hadn't, but it sure felt good to get out. I didn't eat if I wasn't hungry. I didn't snack. We didn't even have snack food in the house & I liked it that way. I stopped drinking soda for most of my senior year. Should have kept it that way. I was surrounded by people I loved, even if it wasn't always mutual. I miss my physical wellness.

I was incredibly involved in my church in Alhambra, I worked there after all, but my heart wasn't quite right. I loved the youth, but my focus wasn't as much on God as it is now. I love my youth kids now just as much as the ones I had before. I strive to see them live the life God has for them, not just stay in school, out of gangs, and off drugs. In Alhambra I felt that had to be my focus. And while that was true, I see where they are now, many of them, and it isn't where they should be. I know it wasn't all up to me to change their hearts, but I know I failed to show them what being a Christ Follower was all about.

Spiritually, I am better off here. I read my Bible. I spend time with other believers that is edifying. I have responsible Friends who have my back as much as I have theirs, who I know will call me out if I ever start to walk astray. My focus is Jesus. I strive to show youth His love, not just mine. I strive to follow Him no matter what.

I wish I could have both. Physical wellness is important to me, but here, I struggle with it so much. Spiritual wellness is so much more important though, so I don't regret being here. I pray that when I do leave this place, this part of life, that I can settle somewhere that is good for me both physically and spiritually.

That turned into way more than I expected, but there's me. Simply another Monday afternoon. Happy MLK Jr. Day.

Welcome 2012, Welcome Change

How was Christmas?

"I ate too much!" I've already heard this 3 times... and I've been at church for 15 minutes. Why is that the focus? What were the blessings this year as you celebrated our Savior's birth? Why don't we talk about this instead of how we are all glutens? Attitude needs focused. Mine especially. Where is my focus? Where is my self-control? Where is my heart? My life needs some redirection. I work on it in bits each year, but never enough. Welcome 2012, I will change.

Hahahaha This just made my night! (and yes, still need to add pics... I have them now, just have to upload! Later.... lol)


My niece's Facebook Status:

Anastacia McMullen

This could get interesting....
Does anybody really know how we met everybody on our friends lists? Here is a task for you..i want all my facebook friends to comment on this status about how you met me. After you commented copy this to your status so i can do the same.

• Jessica Ann well, you see.... I was born...... and then one day short of 18 months later, you were born.............. and then my brother and your mom brought you over to visit! :)

Simple, but very true... and it made me laugh. :) Much needed.

Stole these from Facebook..... :) Still need to catch up a bit on pics..... but I'm a little closer now....
Love these guys sooooo much.... I long for the day I am in Ohio with them!

Day 161 lil bro

Day 162 lil sis

Day 163 the sibs