Written this morning.........

Ghetto- we only refer to places jokingly when we talk about the ghetto. I wouldn't even think about saying skid row (where I interned for a year, though most are afraid to go for a day) though it is definitely "separated" from the rest of society. It's such a sad thing to think about. We refer to the ghetto so lightly that I don't want to bring up something so heavy, though now I wish I had... but honestly I think of the "ghetto theater" & walmart too.. which really aren't wrong, just more humorous. Another interesting observation this morning... the wicked are rich..... i told erik an hour ago that no job that i want will pay my bills. Wow. I need to pay bills and be responsible but this just makes me want a non-profit job even more.

Day 83 - The moon tonight.

I could put up a picture of the black sky..... cuz I couldn't find the moon. I thought the trees were in the way, but then I looked up what the moon phase is tonight..... 3%. Okay, no wonder I couldn't see it. So here's a pic with 3 phases.... tonight is the first one.. I think.

Day 82 - The most embarrassing thing in your closet.

The whole thing... which I will not take a picture of due to cramming an apartment of stuff into one bedroom and not dealing with it for 4 years.... so here's a picture of what happened to me today... shoulda taken one before getting the bleeding to slow down. It hurts. It throbs. It burns like no other. and the nail is still attached, but doesn't want to be, so that hurts too.

Day 81 - Something you baked.

Yeah... it's an alligator made out of cupcakes. I fully enjoy baking. This is the most fun thing I've done. Isaiah's 4th birthday, almost 2 years ago/ :)

Irritated and frustrated and needing sleep and prayer tonight. If I start writing, I may never stop.

Thought of the day.

Driving home, I had so much to say... now it's all gone.. well, the deep stuff at least..
Trying so hard to focus on God's will for my life and not getting caught up in the gossip, slandering of the boss (yes, Christian environment, though most of the people I work with on the other hand, do not seem to be...), complaining about each other, whether about working, not working, outside of work, unwholesome talk.. you name it. I feel like I'm doing so well while I'm at work, and then after I'm home, I realize all the things I did wrong.. again. I want to be an encouragement and a light. Strange, but sometimes I think it's harder to be a light when working at a Christian Camp than it is in the world. People around me already know.... and know how to ignore it. I think I reached out a little to one supervisor...... I was honest with him the other night when he was complaining about someone he had overreacted about and yelled at. Today he told me he felt horrible about it. I went out of my way to help him today... and he noticed. Good start? I hope. To make it even harder to keep a good attitude, my knee problems get thrown in. They hurt a lot lately........ but only at work or right after work. Interesting the little things that can really make it hard to fight the battles.

Way more detailed than I planned...... and way more words.... I'll leave you with this song. So incredibly... true. It makes me want to fall on my knees, no matter how achy and sing with all my heart.

Day 80 - Your favorite childhood movie.

I don't remember what my favorite cartoon was or anything like that... but my all time favorite growing up was Mrs. Doubtfire. My dad is still sick of that movie!!!

Fwd:

Day 79 - A ticket from somewhere you've been.

I know I had a pic of the ticket... but I can't find it, so here's a pic of the poster that came with it!

Day 79 - A ticket from somewhere you've been.

So many things I want to say
So many anxious feelings
So much confusion
So much curiosity
It hurts

I want to know where God wants me
I want to know His will for me
I'm tired of the guessing games

God give me some direction
Give me a glimpse

Day 78 - Your sunglasses.

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Day 77 - The last thing that you bought.

Food & Drink from BJs.

Day 76 - Something that annoys you.

Day 75 - Day 75 - You and a friend.

My lil Lexie friend. :)

Fwd: Day 74 - something you found under your bed.

Day 70-something you ate for lunch - Already ate the polish dog.......

A glimpse into my head.

Sometimes I just want to drive away.
Find a hill, overlooking city lights.
Stop. Breathe. Think.
Never happens.

So overwhelmed by feelings. Good and... less good.
Some that I never want to lose.
Some that I want to fix.

Sometimes I just want to interrupt everything and yell,
"what are you thinking???"

Tonight I watched a jr high boy, almost in tears, hating that he was at youth group. One of the mom's on staff was harsh with him, when she had no reason to be. He's pretty new. I've seen him a couple times, but don't even know his name. We aren't here to be their parents. We're here to be their friends, their mentors.


I sat next to another one who only sits by me when he comes.
I asked him if he was going to Final Fling
(knowing the answer was no, but wanting to change his mind).
"Why should I go? There are so many better things to do with my time."
"Because you get to hang out with me! And everyone else, of course!"
"I don't know anyone else."
"So get to know them! Make new friends!"
"I've tried to make friends."
He brings a book to read because no one ever talks to him. Especially the leaders.
I can get him to put the book down, because he knows me from Sunday School. But Wednesdays, he won't even try anymore. It breaks my heart. He's such a sweet kid. He knows way more than I do about most things, including the Bible. He has so much to say, yet he isn't even noticed.

Courtney sat by the boy no one wants to. The one who has quite the different personality, who is probably most in need of men to show him the person he needs to be. I've only ever seen one guy on staff talk to this kid. Yeah, he's a hard one, but isn't that why we're here? To reach out?

Maybe it's just me (well, I know it's not.... but maybe it's just a few of us)... but I'm pretty discouraged by it all. I want to do something about it, but my ideas are all thrown into a box, somewhere out in the great unknown, where all unwanted ideas end up.

I'll stop now. Only sharing the not so good feelings tonight. The frustrated ones. Hopefully this will be out of my system and I can go back to those good feelings to get through the weekend.

Day 72 - A stuffed animal.

My turtle pillow. The day this is too worn out to use will be a sad, sad day.

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Day 71 - A picture of your favorite piece of jewelry.

I don't wear much jewelry, but I love this shell necklace because my future adopted sister-in-law sent it to me from the Philippines. Felt special when I found out she only sent one to Colin & to me. :)

Day 70 - Something you borrowed from someone else

I don't think I have a picture of something I've borrowed..... seeing that anything would have been given back.... or else it would be stolen...................................... I don't even know what to put... this is the best I've got. Borrowed Time.

Day 69 - something red.

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Day 68 - A magazine you like

uhhhhhhhhh.............................. i liked ccm 10 years ago...... since then... none... so here's a pic from today.

Fun at work...... I just watched. :)

Day 67 - Something Green.

My waterbottle.

words.

There are millions of words in the dictionary and yet sometimes there are no words that can express what I'm thinking and feeling. I am so overwhelmed by the goodness that God has put in my life recently. Being around most of the people I work with has made me even more grateful for the values I've been taught and that He is still teaching me. It has also made me thankful beyond words for the Friends that He has given me this year. Friends who encourage me, check on me when I'm struggling, that I know I can count on, who don't constantly complain, and possibly most of all, make me laugh! I'm excited to see what God will bring next, and how he will grow me even more. There are still things I want to add, but I just don't know how. But it's all good. :)

Day 66 - A picture in your room

Like.... a picture taken in your room? Or a picture that resides in your room??? I am going to take that as one hanging on my wall.... because I can. :)

This is one of my favorites! I took this one year ago... Isaiah and Aunt Jess. <3

Day 65 - A picture of you and your best friend.

I have more than one "best friend" but I'm diggin this pic lately..... so I pick her! :)

Day 64 - Favorite childhood book.

Day 63 - Sports awards

I think I got a track and field ribbon in 2nd grade or something...... for like 4th place..... so this picture is of tonight..... nothing to do with sports awards.... lol

Day 62 - Last place you traveled to.

Kelly's Beach, Reedley, CA, which was flooded by the King's River... and yes, you may see this picture again........ in the fair.

Day 61 - School class picture.

This is the only one easy to find... crappy pic, but then it's even harder to find me, so that's okay. :)

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My niece, Anaya Grace, almost 18 months old. Hopefully one day I'll meet her as well.... haven't seen her dad since I was 5yrs old... maybe one day I'll see him again too.

Day 60 - A picture of something you’re excited about


This year's Final Fling... though only one of these kids gets to go... and we're going to Castaic instead of Emma Wood....

Day 59 - A picture of something random that you own.

A head. From Jamaica. : )

Day 58 - A picture of your favorite animal.

Turtles in general, but especially sea turtles. Ironic that this picture was today's when my dumb ole turtle escaped for several hours and eventually wandered back just a few minutes ago. Way to stress me out.

Day 57 - A picture of your favorite holiday.

Today.... well, yesterday. :)

Day 56 - A picture of something that makes you happy.

My Friends. : ) I don't have a current pic, and you can't tag on here... and I didn't feel like editing... soooooo pic who you want to be. : ) Only one thing missing.... Music.

Day 55 - A picture of the last movie you saw in theaters.

Yay Ghetto Theater! lol

Day 54 - A picture of the one thing you would bring if you were stranded on a deserted island.

Can't pick one. Of course, I'd take my Martin, not this Taylor.

Count em.... 10 kids. I see this as normal in this house in the future.