Monday, November 29, 2010
One short thought...
Choosing pictures to get to scrap book this year is hard considering I don't want to remember so many of the things that happened for much of the year. Seeing the pictures and how happy I was, knowing that those friendships are gone, make me sad. The end.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Forever Love
These lyrics have really been blessing me, lifting me up, and challenging me this weekend. I'm adding some thoughts under each line of lyrics...
Forever Love
by Francesca Battistelli
You are my forever love
(Why would I look for love anywhere else?)
You are my forever love
(Do I really realize how much this means?)
You are my forever love
(If He is my forever love, shouldn't He have my whole heart?)
You are my forever love
(If I love Him this much, shouldn't my love for Him should spread to others?)
From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to You
(The deepest love I can give)
From the depths of who I am I love You
(Every part of me, not just my heart)
With everything inside I’ll run to You
(He will catch me and hold me, I need Him)
‘Cause all that I’ve become I owe to You
(I can never love Him enough)
Nothing in this world could ever separate us
(Go ahead and try to take me from Him, it won't happen)
I will love You more than anyone on earth
(I love my Friends to death, but I love Him beyond)
Nothing I desire could ever satisfy me the way that You do
(Though I have many Earthly desires, none really matter. My Savior is so much more important!)
by Francesca Battistelli
You are my forever love
(Why would I look for love anywhere else?)
You are my forever love
(Do I really realize how much this means?)
You are my forever love
(If He is my forever love, shouldn't He have my whole heart?)
You are my forever love
(If I love Him this much, shouldn't my love for Him should spread to others?)
From the bottom of my heart I’ll sing to You
(The deepest love I can give)
From the depths of who I am I love You
(Every part of me, not just my heart)
With everything inside I’ll run to You
(He will catch me and hold me, I need Him)
‘Cause all that I’ve become I owe to You
(I can never love Him enough)
Nothing in this world could ever separate us
(Go ahead and try to take me from Him, it won't happen)
I will love You more than anyone on earth
(I love my Friends to death, but I love Him beyond)
Nothing I desire could ever satisfy me the way that You do
(Though I have many Earthly desires, none really matter. My Savior is so much more important!)
So if I really love Him that much, what am I doing about it? I heard something this weekend that really hit home for me. I can't remember the exact wording, but it was something to the effect of this: "Is it wise to go to the missions field, leaving everything behind?" The response is what hit my heart. "It is not wise to stay if it is God's will for you to go." Wow. This is definitely not the first time I've heard this. Kristin has told me soooo many times that she is safer in the middle of a war, on the missions field, than here at home because she is doing what God has called her to. I know I am called, I just don't know when. In the mean time, I need to live out the life God has for me here, being an example to my jr. highers and everyone around me. Its been hard lately. I've met challenges I never expected to come. I try not to let them push me down. It is definitely a time to run to Him with everything inside.
Lots of random thoughts, I know, but that is how my brain is functioning right now......
Lots of random thoughts, I know, but that is how my brain is functioning right now......
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
If only.... really?
I heard something tonight that really.... for lack of better words, set me off. It was such a small thing, said jokingly, I think, but the words that were said have such huge meaning and I think they were completely overlooked.
"We'll pray for you."
"If only it was that easy."
REALLY???
It was said jokingly about about sopranos having to hold our breath longer than altos... but the response really got to me. Not a big deal thing, as far as what it was about... but suuuuch a huge thing to respond belittling prayer. It would be like responding to someone who offered to pray for God to do a miracle for you with, "If only it were that easy."
If only it were as easy as prayer. Well, guess what guys. It is.
"We'll pray for you."
"If only it was that easy."
REALLY???
It was said jokingly about about sopranos having to hold our breath longer than altos... but the response really got to me. Not a big deal thing, as far as what it was about... but suuuuch a huge thing to respond belittling prayer. It would be like responding to someone who offered to pray for God to do a miracle for you with, "If only it were that easy."
If only it were as easy as prayer. Well, guess what guys. It is.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
My heart is divided...
well, that's not true. My heart and my brain are divided. Follow vs.Be Responsible. I always choose follow, but am I really choosing to follow Christ? My heart tells me I am, but my brain makes me question whether it is me following Christ or simply following my own personal desires. How do I know the difference? They should be one in the same, but are they? The only way I know is to pray. The last time my heart and brain disagreed like this, I prayed, crying my heart out, that God would show me where He wanted me to be. He closed one door the next day. Then He closed the other one 2 months later. I moved back to the AV within 10 days of the 2nd door closing. I only saw two doors. Am I missing one again? I don't know if I can handle my world being torn apart again. Maybe I'm stronger than I was and can handle it now, or maybe I've had all I can take. I pray he shows me the way without ripping my heart apart again, but should I be asking God with boundaries? No. So God, do whatever you need to, to make me see which door I am to walk through next. Amen.
30 Things about Me
1. I want to live in Costa Rica, working at an orphanage for teenagers that does not yet exist.
2. I love being a friend/mentor to teens. I don’t want to teach them formally.
3. I have a really hard time thinking of random things about myself.
4. I like turtles (and saying so makes me think of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y)
5. My favorite colors are green and purple.
6. I want to travel the world more than almost anything.
7. I like Almond Milk Tea with Boba… a lot. And I miss it. And toast. :)
8. My life has changed a lot in the last 3 years.
9. I actually miss my college days.
10. I have a few amazing Friends that I would do anything for.
11. I love city life and being able to walk to the store/work/church.
12. I also love the country and being able to just enjoy the scenery and the night sky lit up by stars.
13. I am allergic to the desert that I live in.
14.I want to move far far away, but don’t want to leave people behind for fear that I will lose them.
15. I love to play my guitar and wish I still had somewhere to play.
16. The only thing I can play on guitar is worship music.
17. I don’t care about famous people’s names, unless I really like them. Authors, composers, actors… unless they are suuuuuper famous, or are a favorite of mine, I may know their face, but probably won’t remember their name. It just isn’t important enough.
18. I wish that last fact wasn’t true. It actually really bugs me sometimes.
19. I quite enjoy going to the beach, only because it is a beautiful place. I do not enjoy being in the ocean.
20. I love to swim, if I can see through the water.
21. I love Washington State. I think it is beautiful and while I adore sunshine and nice weather, I love rainy days and green growing things all around.
22. I reeeeally would like to go to Ireland. And Italy.
23. I try my best to live a life without regrets, but occasionally, one gets by and sticks around.
24. I really do love turtles. I know I said it before, but I think it warrants another mention. Sea turtles are my favorite.
25. I am supposed to write 5 more things, but don’t think I can handle writing “I” that many more times.
26. The book Crazy Love by Francis Chan is mind-blowing and heart-changing.
27. Ted Dekker wrote an amazing series called The Circle trilogy.
28. Photography is a wondrous pastime.
29. “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all” is a motto that more people in this world should follow.
30. Trying to tell about oneself without using any first person pronouns is difficult even in just five sentences.
2. I love being a friend/mentor to teens. I don’t want to teach them formally.
3. I have a really hard time thinking of random things about myself.
4. I like turtles (and saying so makes me think of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y)
5. My favorite colors are green and purple.
6. I want to travel the world more than almost anything.
7. I like Almond Milk Tea with Boba… a lot. And I miss it. And toast. :)
8. My life has changed a lot in the last 3 years.
9. I actually miss my college days.
10. I have a few amazing Friends that I would do anything for.
11. I love city life and being able to walk to the store/work/church.
12. I also love the country and being able to just enjoy the scenery and the night sky lit up by stars.
13. I am allergic to the desert that I live in.
14.I want to move far far away, but don’t want to leave people behind for fear that I will lose them.
15. I love to play my guitar and wish I still had somewhere to play.
16. The only thing I can play on guitar is worship music.
17. I don’t care about famous people’s names, unless I really like them. Authors, composers, actors… unless they are suuuuuper famous, or are a favorite of mine, I may know their face, but probably won’t remember their name. It just isn’t important enough.
18. I wish that last fact wasn’t true. It actually really bugs me sometimes.
19. I quite enjoy going to the beach, only because it is a beautiful place. I do not enjoy being in the ocean.
20. I love to swim, if I can see through the water.
21. I love Washington State. I think it is beautiful and while I adore sunshine and nice weather, I love rainy days and green growing things all around.
22. I reeeeally would like to go to Ireland. And Italy.
23. I try my best to live a life without regrets, but occasionally, one gets by and sticks around.
24. I really do love turtles. I know I said it before, but I think it warrants another mention. Sea turtles are my favorite.
25. I am supposed to write 5 more things, but don’t think I can handle writing “I” that many more times.
26. The book Crazy Love by Francis Chan is mind-blowing and heart-changing.
27. Ted Dekker wrote an amazing series called The Circle trilogy.
28. Photography is a wondrous pastime.
29. “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all” is a motto that more people in this world should follow.
30. Trying to tell about oneself without using any first person pronouns is difficult even in just five sentences.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Thoughts
I wish I had written this earlier today, while the thoughts were fresh in my head, spinning me in circles. I sat at home today and several times watched and listened as my parents "interacted." I say "interacted" because there really is no other way to put it. My mom had very little patience today, less than normal. My dad, well, he's just my dad. You have to explain things in the most simple, straight forward way possible, and then hope he was listening. They didn't get along at all. This has been a common occurrence my whole life, but even more so since my dad half-retired last spring. The concerning part is that in two weeks, he will be fully retired, and at home all day, every day. If my parents can't get along now, what will it be like then? Aren't old retired couples supposed to be sweet, caring, and cute?
I've always wanted that. Someone to grow old with, love and care for, forever. But will I just turn out like they are? Then, it may not even be worth it. I don't want to live my life alone, but I don't want to be seen by my kids (if God gives me any) in the same way that I see my parents. I want to be like the cute old couple in Up that spend their whole lives together and live for each other, even past one's death. I wonder if God will bless me in that way. Will He ever send me someone who can not only put up with me all the time, but love me that much? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
I've always wanted that. Someone to grow old with, love and care for, forever. But will I just turn out like they are? Then, it may not even be worth it. I don't want to live my life alone, but I don't want to be seen by my kids (if God gives me any) in the same way that I see my parents. I want to be like the cute old couple in Up that spend their whole lives together and live for each other, even past one's death. I wonder if God will bless me in that way. Will He ever send me someone who can not only put up with me all the time, but love me that much? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
It has been a looooooong time.
Wow. I haven't been on here for soooo long. I don't even know where to start. I haven't blogged at all in almost 2 years! So much has changed, yet so much hasn't. I think I'll leave the real blog to come later, but in the mean time, be ready, its coming! :)
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