A glimpse into my head.

Sometimes I just want to drive away.
Find a hill, overlooking city lights.
Stop. Breathe. Think.
Never happens.

So overwhelmed by feelings. Good and... less good.
Some that I never want to lose.
Some that I want to fix.

Sometimes I just want to interrupt everything and yell,
"what are you thinking???"

Tonight I watched a jr high boy, almost in tears, hating that he was at youth group. One of the mom's on staff was harsh with him, when she had no reason to be. He's pretty new. I've seen him a couple times, but don't even know his name. We aren't here to be their parents. We're here to be their friends, their mentors.


I sat next to another one who only sits by me when he comes.
I asked him if he was going to Final Fling
(knowing the answer was no, but wanting to change his mind).
"Why should I go? There are so many better things to do with my time."
"Because you get to hang out with me! And everyone else, of course!"
"I don't know anyone else."
"So get to know them! Make new friends!"
"I've tried to make friends."
He brings a book to read because no one ever talks to him. Especially the leaders.
I can get him to put the book down, because he knows me from Sunday School. But Wednesdays, he won't even try anymore. It breaks my heart. He's such a sweet kid. He knows way more than I do about most things, including the Bible. He has so much to say, yet he isn't even noticed.

Courtney sat by the boy no one wants to. The one who has quite the different personality, who is probably most in need of men to show him the person he needs to be. I've only ever seen one guy on staff talk to this kid. Yeah, he's a hard one, but isn't that why we're here? To reach out?

Maybe it's just me (well, I know it's not.... but maybe it's just a few of us)... but I'm pretty discouraged by it all. I want to do something about it, but my ideas are all thrown into a box, somewhere out in the great unknown, where all unwanted ideas end up.

I'll stop now. Only sharing the not so good feelings tonight. The frustrated ones. Hopefully this will be out of my system and I can go back to those good feelings to get through the weekend.