What is Love?

To love and love and love without getting anything in return makes no sense to me. I tell myself all the time that I give up. I give up of "friends" who I've tried so very hard to love and just forget me, ignore me, and hurt me over and over, and yet, I can't atop loving them. I hate it. I really do. I want to forget the pain, the times I've been forgotten, the times my heart has been broken. I can't.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love bears ALL things. Love endures ALL things. Not some. It doesn't give up just because it doesn't get anything back. But how do you keep loving? I don't even know. I just know I never forget, and I never stop loving. And sometimes, it sucks.

Heal my heart and make

Heal my heart and make it clean. open up my eyes to the things unseen. show me how to love the way you love me

Sometimes I have a hard time caring. Well, that's not completely true, I always care, its just not always easy to act on it. A family member of mine wants to be my facebook friend. Seems like an easy choice, right? Wrong. She has continually taunted me about being the "perfect niece" or saying I should be perfect because I'm a Christian for many years. She has tried to get me to faulter with boys, name brand attitudes (telling my parents I must have name brand clothes, shoes, etc), and encouraging me to date random guys, whether they are my best friends that she just met or guys behind the counter at a fast food place since I was 10 years old. Is it bad that I don't want her on my facebook, knowing so much of my personal life , knowing there is a good chance she'll use it against me like always? I want to love her like Christ, but its so hard to take the crap when its family. I miss my uncle and I know he'd want me to love her and share my life with her, and love her.... I'm just afraid I'll loose my cool if holidays come and she says anything mean. It takes me back to the book I'm reading, Elyon, by Ted Dekker. Its the last of the Lost Books, and one character is told to love her enemy as Elyon loves him. I need to love my aunt like Christ does. No matter what.

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I refuse.

Josh Wilson - I Refuse From the album I Refuse - Single

Sometimes I, I just want to close my eyes

And act like everyone's alright

When I know they're not.

This world needs God

But it's easier to stand and watch.

I could pray a prayer and just move on

Like nothing's wrong.

But I refuse.

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care.

I don't want to say another empty prayer.

I refuse to

Sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself.

I could choose

Not to move but I refuse.

I can hear the least of these

Crying out so desperately,

And I know we are the hands and feet

Of you, oh god.

So, if you say move,

Then it's time for me to follow through,

And do what I was made to do.

Show them who you are.

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care.

I don't want to say another empty prayer.

I refuse to

Sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself.

I could choose

Not to move but I refuse.

To stand and watch

The weary and lost

Cry out for help.

I refuse

To turn my back

And try and act like all is well.

I refuse

To stay unchanged,

To wait another day,

To die to myself.

I refuse

To make one more excuse.

'Cause I don't want to live like I don't care.

I don't want to say another empty prayer.

I refuse to

Sit around and wait for someone else

To do what God has called me to do myself.

I could choose

Not to move but I refuse.

my heart is hurting

literally this time.... all the hurt those around me go through makes my heart hurt... emotionally and now physically. It hurts. I want to fix it all. And its not me being "sweet"... its me following the heart of Christ.

I don't understand

How is it that someone can be sharing a prayer request and someone else, knowing they are talking, just starts talking over? How is that showing love? I find this happening to me in different settings and it makes me crazy. It makes me not want to share because people don't care. I know that some people do care, but it is soooo discouraging when someone talks over you and changes the subject to themself.
Another thing I don't understand is sharing a "prayer request" that seems more like you are talking to hear your own voice than needing prayer. Telling a whole long story to explain that you have to have your sewage line replaced doesn't say "please pray for me" to me. It says, "I want to talk and I'm more important than you." (can you tell it was the same person as the one who cut me off?)
I needed to rant. I had to keep repeating in my head, "if you don't have something nice to say...." and "keep mouth shut" to not burst. Okay, done for now.