Physically, I was so much better off in Alhambra. I kept a clean room almost always, and cleaned before every weekend if I hadn't kept it up that week because the kids were always in my room, especially on the weekends, and I loved it that way. I rode my bike or walked everywhere possible. Once I got my car, I still walked or biked to work/church a couple times a week. I swam regularly at my gym, even biking over on my lunch brake at times to let off steam from the office. I played softball every Saturday the last 6 months I was there, despite a bum ankle that I probably damaged more by playing than if I hadn't, but it sure felt good to get out. I didn't eat if I wasn't hungry. I didn't snack. We didn't even have snack food in the house & I liked it that way. I stopped drinking soda for most of my senior year. Should have kept it that way. I was surrounded by people I loved, even if it wasn't always mutual. I miss my physical wellness.
I was incredibly involved in my church in Alhambra, I worked there after all, but my heart wasn't quite right. I loved the youth, but my focus wasn't as much on God as it is now. I love my youth kids now just as much as the ones I had before. I strive to see them live the life God has for them, not just stay in school, out of gangs, and off drugs. In Alhambra I felt that had to be my focus. And while that was true, I see where they are now, many of them, and it isn't where they should be. I know it wasn't all up to me to change their hearts, but I know I failed to show them what being a Christ Follower was all about.
Spiritually, I am better off here. I read my Bible. I spend time with other believers that is edifying. I have responsible Friends who have my back as much as I have theirs, who I know will call me out if I ever start to walk astray. My focus is Jesus. I strive to show youth His love, not just mine. I strive to follow Him no matter what.
I wish I could have both. Physical wellness is important to me, but here, I struggle with it so much. Spiritual wellness is so much more important though, so I don't regret being here. I pray that when I do leave this place, this part of life, that I can settle somewhere that is good for me both physically and spiritually.
That turned into way more than I expected, but there's me. Simply another Monday afternoon. Happy MLK Jr. Day.
